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Writer's pictureAC Kahn

FORESIGHT 2020 - PART TWO - John Hickenlooper

Updated: Dec 13, 2018

John Hickenlooper has problems besides his silly name. That being said, it is a pretty silly name. Hickenlooper is a bit of a nerdy guy, and just the thought of watching him go up against Trump in a debate makes me nervous, like he's about to get bullied and somebody's gonna have to step in and protect him and oh shit really do I have to be the one to do this? Oh goddammit.


Most of the points in Hickenlooper's favor seem to come from how cool his state is rather than from what the Governor himself has done. Colorado is kind of purple, and is a bit of a national microcosm with its mix of urban, suburban and rural areas. It's been getting a lot bluer in recent years, at least in Presidential elections, but anyone who's spent time there like I have knows that it's far from thoroughly liberal. So what explains its progressive reputation? Well, for one thing, voters are independently minded, so much so that they were able to get marijuana legalization on the ballot in 2013, and it passed, making Colorado the first state to legalize the chronic. Hickenlooper did not support the measure, and was on the record as against it. He was even willing to sabotage his own state's legalization process in 2015 saying publicly "this was a bad idea". But when it started to pay off in a big way, and when other states started following his voters' lead (not his), Hickenlooper was all too glad to start taking the credit.


His relatively moderate record on gun control, which was pragmatic and necessary in Colorado in order to achieve the adoption of some modest measures after a slew of tragedies culminating in the Aurora movie theater shooting, may not be enough to make him stand out in a Democratic primary. Still, he's a member of Bloomberg's "Mayors Against Illegal Guns", which puts a target on his back in the general, and that will likely be the case for any Democrat, but it's especially tough on someone without many other qualities with which to really distinguish himself besides touting the solid economy of a state that's so blessed with natural resources, native industry and stunning beauty it's absurd.


His bipartisan, non-confrontational approach to politics— what TIME referred to as "the opposite of Trump"— is definitely more of a liability than an asset in this climate. The "incivility on both sides" argument is such gaslighting bullshit it's a wonder we're not all certifiable at this point. "Compromise, compromise, compromise": A refrain Democratic voters want nothing to do with, and rightly so. To make matters worse for Hickenlooper in this regard, most rumors of him running come tied to the idea that he's been considering a "unity ticket" run with Ohio Governor and failed 2016 Republican presidential candidate John Kasich (who, it bears repeating, lost the primary to both Donald "Grab 'Em By The Pussy" Trump and Ted "Probably The Zodiac Killer" Cruz). Kasich and Hickenlooper even did a speaking tour together, and weirdly refer to each other as "friend" on Twitter, as in "Hey friend!", like a couple of high school sophomores who wear sweatshirts exclusively from Broadway musicals, or enemies in a cartoon pretending to get along... Idk dude it's so cringey check it out. But WHY on earth would Democrats sacrifice their principles— and what is a golden electoral opportunity to right countless wrongs— in favor of a couple of milquetoast, white, business-minded, moderate men, one of whom couldn't even really bring himself to denounce Trump after the Access Hollywood tape. Hey friend!


On top of all that, Hickenlooper has allegedly accepted nearly 100 private jet flights from donors since 2011 without disclosing them as gifts.

Thank you, next.

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