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Writer's pictureAC Kahn

Looks like "Surefire Intelligence" might be behind Michael Avenatti's arrest

It's starting to look like Michael Avenatti's arrest on Wednesday on suspicion of domestic violence may have been a "con job". It was first reported that the battery complaint had been filed by Avenatti's ex-wife, but now both of his ex-wives (Hollywood, amirite?) have come to his defense, saying not only that they hadn't filed any report but that neither had even seen Michael in months, and both defended their ex-husband's character, saying he had never been violent in their relationships and they didn't buy the accusations. Fishier still, Surefire Intelligence, the fake research and consulting firm founded by Jacob Wohl, 20 year old moron and greatest young mind the MAGA crowd has to offer, appears to have taken credit for Avenatti's arrest! Why, uh, the fuck, if you're trying to frame somebody for domestic battery, would you retweet an article about the arrest saying, "Surefire Intelligence strikes again"? This move would moreover fit perfectly with what is understood to be Surefire Intelligence's MO, as they are now apparently under investigation for attempting to tarnish Special Counsel Robert Mueller's reputation by paying women to falsely claim that Mueller had sexually assaulted them. The story broke a couple weeks ago that Surefire had emailed a law professor, who'd never even met Mueller, offering $ in exchange for a false account of sexual assault, and that woman then reported the encounter to the FBI and now this teenaged, extra-wide tie-wearing idiot and the conspiracy theorists around him are probably gonna go to jail. Lol. (When reporters called Surefire's listed number, they got Jacob's mom's voicemail, and when they reverse image searched the headshots of the company's employees, they realized they were all pictures of models and celebrities). This genius gang includes Jack Burkman— who famously organized protests against the Dallas Cowboys for signing gay defensive end Michael Sam in 2014— who got a call from intrepid Atlantic writer and MSNBC contributor Natasha Bertrand today, and when Natasha asked him whether Surefire intelligence was behind the Avenatti accusation, he hung up. If this all turns out to be true, is it more likely or less that Avenatti will launch an ill-advised run for president?

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